When Words and Actions Match

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“Mediocrity is contagious, and most of us are sadly infected.”

We live in a world obsessed with promises. Politicians give speeches, influencers post captions, leaders set “vision statements,” partners whisper vows. But here’s the truth: words are cheap. 

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Actions? That’s the real currency. And when words and actions don’t line up, the hurt burns deeply.

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Because when words and actions don’t match, trust is shattered. Relationships fracture. Families bleed. And businesses crumble. Ask me how I know?

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I’ve lived it. Over and over.

 

Round One: Marc - The Yes That Meant No

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I was young. In love. Standing in a Catholic church beside Marc, my first husband, thinking this was the beginning of forever. The incredible priest’s name was Father Poulet.

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Before our wedding day, Father asked if we’d raise our family Catholic. He had tried to baptize me since I was sixteen, when my best friend Linnea dragged me (often hungover) into Sunday mass. And so, with all sincerity, I said “yes.”

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But here’s the rub: Marc never set foot in that church again after our wedding day. I, on the other hand, went “religiously” while pregnant with our son Cory. I even started Catechism, dreaming that Cory and I would get baptized together.

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Father Poulet was delighted - until he laid out the rules. One of them? Catholics weren’t allowed to practice birth control other than the rhythm method. Ummmm, no thank you!

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And just like that, my words didn’t match my actions. I couldn’t live by the rules, so I stopped pretending. Integrity mattered more than illusion.

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Lesson One: If your words don’t match your actions, eventually the mask slips. And the fallout isn’t just yours - it shapes your children’s lives, too. Cory deserved parents whose actions matched their promises. He got something less, and the cost was heavier than either Marc or I admitted at the time.

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Round Two: Garnet — The Courage to Face Betrayal

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If Marc was integrity, Garnet was courage. He was fun factor eleven out of ten, a man who worked hard and wanted to be good. He built his trucking company while I built my real estate company. But instead of running side by side, we ran against the other. Success became competition. Too much money, too little time together.

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And then came the affairs. Repeated. Even after discovery. His words said “I love you, I’ll do better.” His actions burned holes in my soul.

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But the deeper cut came from Linnea - my best friend, my sister in spirit, the one who sat beside me in those hungover pews. When Garnet’s betrayal nearly broke me, Linnea looked me dead in the eye and said:

“You got everything you deserved.”

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I was devastated. Furious. We didn’t speak for sixteen years. And for the first ten, I carried her words like acid in my veins.

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But here’s the kicker: she was right. We all get what we “deserve.” Not punishment - lessons. The heartbreak that forces us to face our fears.

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My words in that marriage said, “I choose you.” My actions, truthfully, said, “I choose my work.” His words said “I love you.” His actions said “I love myself more.” And in the crossfire, Bodie and Dalton—the two incredible sons Garnet gave me—got benched. Kids pay for the gaps between parents’ words and actions every single time.

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Lesson Two: Words without actions aren’t just lies. They’re grenades. And the shrapnel doesn’t just hit the speaker—it wounds everyone in range.

 

Round Three: Doug — The Pendulum Swing

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By the time I married Doug, I carried a dangerous belief: that my success was the problem. That maybe men couldn’t handle a woman who soared. So, I did what far too many women do - I shrunk.

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I gave him all of me. My career dimmed. My boys - Cory, Bodie, Dalton - were shoved to the sidelines again. My words said, “I’m strong, I can balance it all.” My actions screamed, “I’m disappearing.”

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Eleven years later, I tapped out again.

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Those three now-grown men were bruised by the dissonance of my life - me saying “you matter most” while acting like everything else mattered more. The truth: there is no playbook. The whole team learns only by being muddy, bloody, exhausted, and still standing.

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Lesson Three: When words and actions don’t align in love, it’s not sacrifice. It’s martyrdom. And martyrdom builds nothing but resentment and ruins.

 

The Call-Out

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Here’s the raw, controversial truth: good people make poor choices. And when their words and actions don’t match, the consequences burn more than just the decision maker.

• If you tell your kids you’ll be there and then don’t show? You burn trust that may never return.

• If you tell your partner you’re faithful but cheat? You burn not just love, but their self-worth.

• If you tell your clients “Integrity first” and then cut corners? You burn reputation, business, and legacy.

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It’s not just hypocrisy - it’s betrayal of trust.

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Comfort zones? They’re coffins. Promises without follow through? They’re poison.

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The scoreboard in life isn’t what you say. It’s what you live.

 

The Final Score

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Marc taught me that yes means nothing if your actions don’t live it.
Garnet taught me that betrayal cuts deeper than failure because it’s the gap between word and deed. Doug taught me that disappearing into self-sacrifice is just another way of lying to yourself. And my sons - Cory, Bodie, and Dalton - taught me that children measure love in actions, not promises.

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Three incredible men. Three incredible sons. Three marriages unraveled. And one undeniable truth: when words and actions match, trust is born. When they don’t, destruction is inevitable.

In conclusion, here’s my call to you: stop excusing yourself with good intentions. Stop preaching values you don’t live. Stop promising what you won’t deliver. Forgive your yesterday's best intentions and start again. Now. 

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Because when your words and actions finally match - when what you say and what you do are in lockstep - you unlock the only credibility that matters. Trust. Integrity. Respect. Love. Legacy.